A "Free" Groupon, Daily Deal Type Thing

If you're like me and enjoy saving money, here's a cool site that I just heard about called Scoutmob .

Basically, Its a daily deal just like Groupon, for most major cities, and instead of buying the coupon, you just print it and take it over there.  So no more buying and forgetting and expiring!  Woooo!  Progress!

I love America!

Soon enough, I shall start to blog about beer and whatever else interests me.  But for now I have been so busy with life, that I don't have the energy to blog!

This Video is the Fuckin Truth

A Good Mother Fuckin Song

Been neglecting this blog quite a bit, I guess my pent up rage has subsided thanks to the miracle cure of expressive writing.  Thanks blogger!  So anyway, its the summer, its hot, and I really don't feel like doin shit except chillin out and listening to some good ass music.  So here's a tune I bet you haven't heard before that is really damn good.  Enjoy!

The song is called "I can't go to sleep" by the Wu Tang Clan, featuring Isaac Hayes

Reflections of My City

Feeling artsy fartsy today, not so typey wipey

Wacky Weather!

Here's just a couple of photos I took from my balcony of the crazy weather we've been having here lately

Enjoy :)

Seriously be Careful This 4th of July!

Seriously people...  If all else fails, just drop the fucking firework!

And try to avoid rednecks, they seem to have issues...







You thought your local Park District's fireworks are safe?  THINK AGAIN FOOLS!

And don't drink and drive!

God Bless America

Beer Review (I might have a problem)

Samuel Smith's India Ale

Just when I thought beer couldn't get any better, I go out and randomly pick up something like this to try.



Holy shit fuck!  While most things from England suck and lack taste, this beer is not like any India Ale I have ever had before.  I'm not quite sure what the difference is between an India Ale and an India Pale ale, but there is "India Ale" on the bottle as well as  a huge yellow IPA on the label...  So I am quite confused but that is typical of most british cultural things.  Make shit as fucking retarded and confusing as possible and say you're better and more cultured than the person that doesn't "get it".

My guess was going to be that India Ales aren't as hoppy because this ale is one friggin crazy smooth beer with not a lot of hoppy taste to it at all.  It actually smells really good and not hoppy at all.  So a little history about the beer...

Supposedly this beer is made at the oldest beer brewery in Yorkshire England, which is sorta cool I guess.  Here's a map for you ignorant Americans...  Hint (its the big yellow blob)



 Here's what Wikipedia has to say about this brewery (yeah piss off i'm lazy today!)...

The smallest of the three modern-day Tadcaster breweries, Sam Smith's is one of the few remaining British breweries to employ the traditional Yorkshire Square system in the production of its beers.

Brewing water for ales and stouts is still drawn from the original 85 foot well, sunk when the site was established in 1758, and the yeast used in the fermentation process is of a strain that has been used continuously since approximately 1900 - one of the oldest unchanged strains in the country.

In keeping with this rich sense of history and tradition, the brewery keeps a small team of dapple-grey Shire Horses. Far from being simply show horses, these gentle giants are among the last active dray horses in the world. They deliver beer around the town of Tadcaster five days a week. 

Also of note, Shire Horses is one of the largest breeds of horse in the world...  Look at this shit!  This is one of the smaller ones, the guy in the video said he has one that is 19 hands (or 6'4" at the shoulder) tall!



Anyway enough about how this shit is made... the beer itself is a beautiful coppery reddish brown color as you can see...



The smell is something heavenly.  Its fruity and crisp but smells exactly like how a damn good ale should.

The flavor is also pretty amazing.  Like I said before, most IPA's are hoppy as hell but this is more of a smooth tasting beer.  My wife liked it and she usually hates IPA's.

So to end today's lesson on beer and history and England and all sorts of other important piss, I'm going to say that this beer is deserving of a 9/10 thumbs up!

Happy Monday!

MMMmmmm... Hot and Juicy

I was in Vegas over the Weekend and happened to come across something so amazing, so delicious I had to share it with you.  Hot and Juicy, at first thought it might sound like a titty bar, or perhaps a fruit soup place, but its just a peel and eat seafood place.

Here's how it works.

You have a menu with a few different choices of seafood which you order by the POUND.  Snow Crab, Blue Crab, Dungeness Crab, King Crab, Shrimp, and Craw-fish (and maybe some other shit but I forget what).  Then you have a choice of 3 sauces.  Juicy Cajun, garlic butter, lemon pepper or the Hot n Juicy Special, which is a combo of all three, and all at varying levels of spicyness (mild to extra-spicy).

I chose 1lb of Shrimp with the Hot & Juicy special sauce, spicy and 1lb of Snow crab with the same sauce.

Before I go any further, let me add that they give you a plastic bib which I must say is a necessity unless you enjoy hotsauce colored splashes all over your clothes.  Also there is no silverware, just a plastic disposable tablecloth and a roll of paper towels.

So now here comes my food.  Much to my surprise its served in a plastic bag...




So I ask my friends, well how in the hell do I eat this?  They say dump it on the table and start eating!  So ok...



About 45 minutes later with my hands completely wreaking of hotsauce and garlic and and my belly full as hell... here's the aftermath...



Well the flavor was fantastic, food was cooked to perfection, the theme terrific, the waitresses pretty attractive, and the price?  About $35 with tax & tip for 2lbs of seafood and 2 beers.   That's fantastic!

Honestly I'm thinking about opening one up here in Chicago that's how much I loved this place!

This food is not gourmet by any stretch of the imagination, but what you get which is a fun dining experience that doesn't kill your wallet... it gets my highest rating ever of 10/10 thumbs up!  *gets an extra point for having the 'happy ending' Asian massage parlor right next door.

Beer Review Time!

When Isn't it time for a beer review?

Man this is great, I am so pumped for my upcoming weekend vacation that I just have to pre-party a bit this week to make the week go by faster!

So uh yeah, had a few beers, some good, some great.

First one I had was called Allagash Dubel



So Allagash Beers are made in Portland Maine, USA.  I actually know someone who moved to Maine and I was like, dude I'm never going to visit your ass in fucking Maine, what the hell is there to do when its not snowing or Noreastering there?

Well I know that if I ever go back to the most Northern state in the US, I'm going to visit this brewery! 

I have had their Trippel Ale (what the fuck is up with the spelling!) and it was a godly awesome belgian blonde beer.  Fucking loved it and I have a 4 pack chillin in my fridge right now that I will verbally jizz on the internets about it probably next week.  I have also had their White Ale which is pretty good as well (not jizzworthy, to note).

So anyway on to the Dubbel.  My wife summed it up in one word.  "Smooth".  I have to agree, this beer is not like a Belgian blonde at all.  No fruity overtones here.  Mostly just a smooth malty carmely beer that is awesome as hell.  Would HIGHLY reccomend this beer, especially since its a fantastically powerful 7% ABV.  I really can't describe how good this beer is, as it is sort of a unique taste, but I can assure you there is almost no hint of hops and it is a very smooth ale that will get you fuuuuucked up!

If you see it, you must try it!

It deserves a very robust rating of 9/10 thumbs up and at 8.99 a 4 pack isn't a ridiculous ripoff.


The other beer I am going to wax poetic about, I am actually currently drinking (which might explain my poor grammar and spelling ability at the moment). 

It is called Stone IPA and this microbrew is made in "North County" San Diego, CA, USA!

So these Cali hippie fuckers can really brew some hoppy shit.

There is an obvious gargoyle theme going on on the bottle here and actually a short tale on the back of the painted bottle (love them),  It explains that their Stone Gargoyle "wards off modern day evil spirits such as chemical preservatives, additives, and adjuncts."  They go on to talk about how their stuff is all natural and organic and all sorts of hippie bullshit... well here's the verdict...



I LIKE!

This beer is a lot like the super hoppy Hop Wollop from Victory.  You pop the top off one of these and it smells like a fucking garden of hops explodes in your face.  It smells so fresh, so hoppy, its a smell to behold if you like hops.  The taste is clean but mega hoppy bitter, this is a VERY hoppy beer which I like on occasion, but it makes it tough to drink more than 2 or 3 of these...  Which is a good thing since this beer clocks in at 6.9% ABV and I would be shitfaced if I had 3 of these anyway.

A score for this beer is hard to determine, as I can guarantee this beer isn't for everyone... but I guess I'm probably one of the few who actually reads this blog so I'm going to go out there and give this beer a 8.5/10 thumbs up.  Yeah seriously, its pretty rad for an IPA.

Hilarious Picture #1

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.  Here is one of them.



Mark Cuban, Maverick's owner in case you were wondering...

Back, Catching Up and Better Than Ever

So OK I was totally devastated that the Bulls lost that series vs. the Heat, but hey they totally overachieved this year and I am very happy about that.  If you would have told me at the beginning of the season that they would win 62 games and make it to the conference finals I would have said, pass me that bong!  So now that I really have nothing to watch on TV and my social schedule has slowed down a bit I plan on blogging more again. 

I guess I could start it off with one of my favorite topics.  Beer!  Now I have some beers currently cooling in the fridge so I can't talk about them yet but don't worry I'll get to that soon enough!  I just want to talk about a few different beers I have had over the last few weeks.  Ones that I can remember anyways.


Lagunitas IPA - fuckin nice beer, so smooth for an IPA, its really great that they are distributing this pretty much everywhere in Chicago now.  This beer and Victoria are going to be my go to beers at cheezy Naperville chain restaurants for hopefully the next decade or so. 8.5/10

Lagunitas Lil' Sumpin' Sumpin' Ale - God dammit such a good beer, so fresh and flavorful (in a good way) for an ale.  Its not that shitty bitter english ale, its more of a slightly hoppy, fresh medium dark ale like Michael Sheas but way better, hard to explain... you just have to try it!  You can mostly find it in hipster bars in Bucktown.  9/10.  Only because it loses a half point for having to go to hipsterville to find it!

Victory Hop Devil - Pretty good IPA but nothing special.  7.5/10  At least its more affordable than most craft beers, and chilled at the local Binnys

Victory Hop Wallop - Found this one in a Scottish bar in West town, now I really like hoppy beer and this really is a punch your tongue with sour and bitter and hoppy amazingness type beer.  I mean this shit if you smell it before you drink it, and you like hops it will make your fuckin mouth water like crazy.  9/10 but I can guarantee that this beer is not for everyone.



Now while we're on the topic of Victory beers, I have one that I really don't like.  I don't know if it was a bad batch or what but Victory Prima Pilsner Sucked!  Hard!  It looked like piss, tasted really bland and at the same time sour and it gave me a really stuffy nose and bad allergies after I drank it!  This happened on two different occasions of drinking so I know this was the cause!  I was blowing my nose like crazy and well it pretty much killed my buzz so basically, fuck this beer!  4/10!  Definitely not a victory for my taste or my septum! 



Yeah that beer sucked ass, but thankfully I had one of these in my fridge to wash the ass taste out of my mouth with.  Delirium Tremens (Latin for "the shakes")!  Yes the worlds best beer of 1997 (aka the best year ever!) I happened to have a bottle in my fridge.  Only thing thats annoying about the beer is that the foil is really sticky so that's a half a point off an otherwise very good score.  9/10 due to its amazing belgian blonde taste.  And yes those are my salt and pepper shakers next to the bottle.  Fucking hilarious right?




Speaking of Belgian blondes, I also had an Affligem Dubel the other day.  Fuckin GREAT SHIT and I actually prefer this to Delirium Tremens!  Fantastic sweet and malty beer taste, but not overpowering.  Basically this beer is pure amazing.  I had it at the Emerald Loop and at $8.50 a beer was well worth it!  I would actually go out on a limb and say that this is the first beer I would give a perfect 10/10 to, but that's kind of anticlimatic considering I am always in search of a perfect beer and don't really want to stop writing about it so, just to be a dick, I give this a 9.75/10.



And last but not least I had some Half Acre Daisy Cutter - pretty damn good pale ale.  Now I'm not the worlds hugest pale ale fan but this one had an extremely fresh and grassy or fruity/orange taste to it which made me really like it.  You know how much I love to smell my beer and this is one of the best smelling beers ever! And it might be one of the best pale ales I've ever had!  I will have to have some more of it this summer as with its flavor it is a perfect summer drink on the outdoor space of your choice. 9.25/10 



I would imagine that my beer is about the proper drinking temperature now, so I am going to stop now.  Check back in later for more content, I swear I will try to update this blog at least 3-4 times a week with random shit!

Sorry Not Much Time to Post Lately

I will continue soon again I promise!

In the meantime...  Watch the BEST team in the NBA (Da BULLS!) dominate the shitty Indiana Pacers!

Here's a video to get you pumped up for Saturday!

One more beer - Southern Tier 2X IPA

Ok so I decided only one more beer review today since I am already way too buzzed from my first 7.0% beer I just tasted/reviewed and well its god damn Friday and I need to relax a bit!  My local liquor store had a craft beer sale so I wanted to try something that had a generic looking label but had a good "beer score" but was still relatively affordable.  So, since I love India Pale Ale's (IPA's) so freaking much I picked up a DOUBLE India Pale Ale made by Southern Tier Brewing Company, from Lakewood, New York.

Now i'm not exactly sure how a double IPA is crafted, but for a very interesting history lesson on how IPA's are made, and where the style came from click here http://www.brewingtechniques.com/library/styles/2_2style.html  Damn the internet is awesome isn't it?

Ok here's how the labeling and beer looks, it is very typical of any IPA.  Green color labels for hops, some indecipherable bullshit about 4 varieties of hops and 3 types of malts but the important part shows that it has an 8.2% ABV which is pretty strong for most types of beers, except for IPA's. 

Take that fancy marketing campaign!

So, I'm sure you are all anxiously waiting for the verdict on this, so here goes nothing!

Looks are like that of most IPA's but this one is a bit lighter and more golden in color, extremely pretty looking beer that is just begging to be drank.  Is that grammatically correct and is it gay to think a beer looks pretty?  Is beer a man or a woman?  Bah, who cares, i'm already solidly buzzed after a few sips of this shit!

The smell of this beer is something to behold.  It is like jamming your face into the garden of eden, if the garden of eden was full of masterfully mixed beer spices, hops, fruits, and satan's nectar! (or alcohol for us non baptists)

Well you would imagine something that smells super amazing would also taste amazing, and well this Southern Tier Brewing Co.'s 2XIPA certainly delivers as it is extremely smooth, not too hoppy, and spiced just right.  Dangerous, as the high ABV and amazing taste could get you blasted quite quickly if you aren't careful. 

For taste, appearance and smell, this beer gets a 9/10.  I really can't explain to you how amazing of a beer this really is unless you taste it first hand.  There is no fancy marketing campaign for this.  It is a craft beer by some guys in extreme southwest New York (seriously look up where Lakewood, NY is, its closer to Detroit than NYC) and they let the product do the talking.  I love shit like this, as it is American capitalism in its purest form, battling against the big guys for your hard earned dollars, that is, until Diageo, or Inbev/Budweiser or Miller/Molsen/Coors & Co. buy them out, water it down and charge twice as much as it used to cost...

Overall, since this beer doesn't waste billions of dollars on pointless advertisements that I will skip over on my DVR, the cost/refreshment ratio is very good.  I believe I picked up this 6 pack on sale for $8.49 (before the fuck you in the Ass city of Chicago Taxes) and let me tell you, what a spanking good deal.  The low cost of this beer easily adds another .5 points to the overall rating so this beer gets one of the highest scores I have ever given in this blog's short life of a 9.5/10.  Its not perfect, but god damn its fucking close to as perfect as an IPA can get.
Excellent!



Have a fantastic weekend!

Beer Review Time! - Two Brothers Brewing Co." Cane and Ebel" Red Rye Ale

Ok so to kick off another shitty and gloomy April Friday in Chicago after another long ass week at work, its finally time to do a review one of my wife's favorite beers.  The mighty "Cane and Ebel"  Red Rye Ale from the Two Brothers Brewing Company.


Located extremely close to where I grew up in scenic Warrenville, IL, this brewery has been on a fucking roll lately.  I mean wow this beer is not only unique as hell but tasty and powerful as well.  With a 7.0% ABV this stuff will knock you on your ass if you aren't careful, it is so smooth my wife drank a 6 pack by herself once and whoa... let me just say I had some freak-ay sex that night!

Ok, TMI again... so the photo above really makes this beer look like its dark brown or black like a porter  but it is actually a really beautiful dark ruby red color.  If I had poured this into a pint glass or had a much more well light background you'd be able to see it better, but here's the best I could do.



So, what does a red rye beer smell like?

Well lets just say it smells like rye bread, sugar, alcohol and hops with an emphasis on the alcohol smell.  I really like the smell of a high ABV beer, some people don't, but to me... it smells like "a good time waiting to happen"  yeah, go ahead and use that quote, I won't trademark that shit because its fuckin' gold I tells ya.

Taste wise, its fantastic!  This ale is not too syrupy, not too carbonated, not too hoppy its just fuckin' money is the best way I can explain its taste.  The aftertaste leaves a bit to be desired in a sort of sour and hoppy way, but not in a bad way, just in a way that just makes you want to drink more of this stuff.

This beer for the taste and flavor a lone is easily a 9/10, but in this economy price does matter.  I do wish it was more affordable because I would buy this much more frequently.  If you can find this on special for $9-$10 for a 6 pack, pick this shit up!  This beer is usually around $11.50-$13 a six pack which is still worth it compared to buying a shitty Bud Light in a bar for $4.

So overall, this beer gets an excellent rating of 9/10 thumbs up, as it is fairly expensive but totally worth it, and I would highly recommend it if you see it in your local restaurant as the beer will go very well with pretty much any type of food.

Most Excellent!

Beer Review time!

Ok well I said that I would review Flying Dog Double Dog Double Pale Ale... but to be honest, I really don't remember what it tasted like since I drank it well over a week ago... amazingly powerful stuff though, here's a picture I took way before I drank it...



Really, really, really tasty and strong beer.  Was extremely smooth but almost syrup-like on the tongue... would drink again for SURE.  I would give it 9/10 thumbs up.  Best part about the beer is that I drank it on a week night after a long night of Budweiser binging and since this is such quality stuff I didn't even have a hangover the next day!   That in itself is worth a few points.

Also, congratulations to a person I know Matthew Stromer, who won the Shenanigans $500 grand prize for being the funniest comic there!  You can watch all sorts of awesome shit he made on his youtube channel, including the shenanigans comedy challenge stuff... http://www.youtube.com/user/mrstromer

I would also recommend hitting up his website http://www.matthewstromer.com and buying lots of his stuff.

I'm going to do some beer reviewing, so over the next few hours or days expect more crazy beer content (or incoherent jibberish).

I'm working on it!

God dammit how time flies when you aren't feeling motivated.

I promise I will blog again sometime this month.  I just really don't have the energy for it at the moment.

in the meantime e-mail your congress people to Repeal H.R. 4541: Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000

Unless of course you like huge companies enjoying not paying taxes enabling themselves with unlimited risk (again) and record high oil prices... in that case... DIE Oil Company CEO asshole!
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h106-4541&tab=summary

also In other news, the Chinese are building an aircraft carrier... which in this photo is one of the  most hilariously badly photo shopped pictures I have ever seen (courtesy of zerohedge.com)




I mean gone on.... that red boat crane behind the boat would have to be what, over 1000 feet tall?

A Varyag Soviet carrier is 240 feet tall...  which this is a picture of either one they bought from the russians in 1998 and were thinking of converting it to a casino, or just one that they copied...

Holy fick puss Flyig dog

DOUBLE ALE FORF AEWEOSME OH MY GOD  shit i had the capt lock on

So I went to see my friend of a friend DOMINATE THE CHICAGO COMEDY SCENE2 Tonight and gt a litle wasted. Drank some of my favorite 5/10 thumbs up Budweiser beeero tonight and then came home and had some Double down flying double dog double pale double alcohol doulble fuck me up SHIT."

i better reflect on this  oozyness tmorrw.  Awesome bber tough me and my wiife wer blaswted after about one sip of this 11.5% APB shit.

Its Friday, Beer Review

Another long god damn week is finally over.  Fucking shit I hate work sometimes.  I'm telling you nothing pleases me more than a nice cold beer (on sale even!) after a long week.  Except, ah nevermind... TMI

Tonight I am sampling a beer from the New Holland Brewery from... you guessed it, Holland Michigan!  Like a Dutchman could make a beer that doesn't suck.  Yeah, right!  Amstel sucks, Grolsch sucks, and Heineken makes me fart like a clydesdale!  Damn TMI again!  Not to ruin the flow I have going on here, but you have to watch this video...



So back to the topic at hand.  I am trying the New Holland Mad Hatter India Pale Ale.  Who knows why its called that, but there's a super creepy picture of a mad hatter on the label, and another label on the back that doesn't say why it is called Mad Hatter IPA. It does however say that its 5.25% ABV which is fairly average in terms of potency.



Glass is courtesy of you guessed it, Murphy's Pub in Champaign and the beer is your typical brownish reddish color and it is pretty clear beer.

It smells like hops and a faint amount of citrus or malt or some shit like that but to make a long snobby story short, it smells like pretty much any IPA I have had in the past.

The taste however, is smooth going down, not too carbonated, good amount of hops... its weird though its like it tastes great initially, then for just a split second it tastes foul or something, and then it leaves a nice IPA style aftertaste of hoppy goodness. 

I could really drink a lot of this shit if it was on sale all the time.  Definitely a quality brew.  I picked up a 6 pack for 8 bucks, and I think its a pretty good price point there.  I believe normally its like 11.49 for a 6 pack. 

So the final verdict is 8.5/10 thumbs up which means, if you see it, Try it!



Have any beer recommendations for this weekend?

DO WANT!

In case you don't know this by now (actually I'm not sure why more than one of you reading this would)  I kind of like certain electronic gadgets.  I usually don't get much into the latest phone tech however, as I usually buy a phone maybe once every 4 years which in phone years is like what, a century?

So I heard about this interesting new phone coming out, I think yesterday (which I did not know before starting to write this little blog).  The Sony Ericsson Xperia Play.  Its basically a blackberry/iphone for useful, productive stuff (like facebooking and fantasy football updates!) aaaaand it has a game pad that will allow you to also play Playstation games on it.  I think it might even be able to make a phone call!  NEAT-O!

Well here is an amusing commercial for it.  Kristen Schaal is pretty hilarious.  If you haven't seen her before on the Daily Show, she plays a Christian right winger and is really funny at it.  And a certain scene in this commercial had me rolling with laughter...

So without further ado, as Stacey King would say... "ROLL IT!"

AAAAAAH! DO WANT!  Brilliant Marketing!  Although just one problem.  The Xperia Play has been reported to only be available on Verizon.  Nooooo! Fuck that shit!  Not being allowed to have such an amazing device makes me want it more!  Well hopefully Sprint gets a Korean knockoff version eventually, like they always do with their shitty phones.

Have a happy Thursday!
Sincerely,
Your everlasting consumerist chum

3 Awesome things from the 90's

Part 1 in a million part series just because there is so much awesomeness to cover.  RAD!

Yes, The 90's were the best time in modern history, and before you old bastards say well no way, the 50's were the best!  Um, no.  The 50's were only "cool" if you are a bible thumping alcoholic smoker douche bag or chauvinistic prick-wad.  Certainly not "cool" if you were a minority, or a woman, or gay, or poor, or well, you get the point.

 Damn, in the 50's did people really wear suits everywhere?  I can't imagine what a pain in the ass that would be, and the poor women had to wear dresses and makeup while working in the kitchen... are you  kidding me?  Sometimes I don't even believe this shit ever happened because it seems so ridiculously impossible to find a woman working the kitchen like a pro these days.  Most women are working a full time job so they can help their hubby pay a mortgage on their overpriced and likely underwater McMansion. It also seems ridiculous that men would wear suits everywhere they went, even casually!  When was the last time you wore a suit to McDonalds?  Thats pretty much how I picture the 1950's were.



Oh shit, before I get too carried away about why the 1950's must have totally sucked, back to the three awesome things about the 90's!  Please note that these are not the absolute top three and they aren't in any particular order of awesomeness.

1)  Grunge Culture

Speaking of why the 50's attire sucked so hard reminded me of why the 90's were so awesome.  Not only did you have neon Umbros and Z. Cavaricci pants, but it was actually fashionable to let yourself go and wear flannel, your worst pair of jeans, not do your hair or shave.  I mean have we ever had another time in our history where you could wear what you went to sleep in after a long night of drinking Natty Light around a campfire, and be ok in school the next day?  

2)  Hammer Pants

Speaking of Z. Cavaricci pants... how in the heck could I forget the opposite of grunge, yet still comfortable as all hell?  Parachute pants!  So amazingly comfortable and fashionable as well!


  Lets just say they are a lot better than the "ex-girlfriend" jeans that losers wear today.  GROSS! 



3)  Music Videos

While I'm on the subject of music and fashion, lets hit one last awesome thing about the 90's.  MTV or alternatively known as "Music Television" to us geezers. It was an ancient cable channel that played MUSIC VIDEOS!  Now i'm sure some of you are asking what the fuck a music video is, so here is an example of one of the greatest music videos of all time.   What makes this video so great is that its from one of the worst movies of all time, while simultaneously being one of the greatest tupac (RIP) songs, and last but not least its totally off the wall and makes absolutely no sense.  Just like any good music video should!




Happy Hump day, stay RADICAL DUDES!

Bruce Pearl You Suck!

Ohhhh man, let me tell you how sad I was to hear the news that Tennessee Vol's Men's Basketball head coach Bruce Pearl (aka human waste pile) got the axe yesterday for fucking CHEATING and LYING (like, a million fucking times) to the NCAA. 


I'm sure he will be crying his big fat head on a big fat pillow stuffed with lots of money that he made scumming his way to the top.

Dear Bruce, I think I speak for everyone you have ever wronged when I say you are a miserable sack of shit, I hate you, you are lower than ambergris, and I hope to never see your ugly face on TV again.  If I see you in person, I will be sure to passive-aggressively run into you as I pass you by.  I sincerely hope your ex wife takes all your money and that you may never coach again!



I'm sure his ex-wife is pretty sad too, then again, maybe not as she is probably busy with her booming nail salon business, aptly named "Alimony's"

Why the hate for this guy?  Well, as a long time Illini fan, there is a reason.  You see Bruce used to be an assistant for Dr. Tom Davis at IOWA (Idiots Out Wandering Around) and wasn't happy with getting their asses kicked by the Illini so much, so assclown here used some out of context quotes from Deon Thomas (the #1 recruit in the country at the time) and made up a story and lied to the NCAA, yes it is a good story and might sound somewhat believable but....

The NCAA didn't find Illinois to be guilty, but since it "sounded good enough to be true" they slapped the Illini with a "lack of institutional control" penalty anyway (because they are assholes HQ'd in Indiana) which set the program back for at least a decade.  You can read the whole made up fiasco by Pearl here.

So to hear about this asshole adulterer getting shit-canned by a SEC school of all places (voted by coaches as "the most cheaty conference" which you can read about here)  for CHEATING then getting busted for LYING to the NCAA is absolutely hilarious and made my day.   Deadspin also has a great take on what a piece of human waste this guy is.

One last thing...

I REALLY don't want to see this asshole get hired on ESPN as a college hoops analyst with that other douchebag Digger Phelps.  Who, coincidentally made up a bunch of shit about Illinois offering LaPhonzo Ellis money too, that was never proven (and that Ellis admitted on a TV broadcast recently!).  Jay Bilas and Duke Vitale are already whining about what a raw deal Bruce Pearl got and what a standup guy he is.  Well, whats that saying, misery loves company?  Nah I think its


Yeah thats the ticket!

Shit I am Tired and I Need Motivation

Too much late night drinking (thanks a lot Illini) and early work today to be creative whatsoever, so here's something motivational and awesome.

(apologies for the annoying fucking commercial... not exactly my decision, stupid hulu!)



Happy Monday

Its Friday, Its March Madness

I don't feel like writing this whole weekend, I feel like watching some hoops and relaxing now that the damn weather is above the freezing point of water.

Go Illini!

Who's bright idea was this marketing campaign anyway?  "Ready for the dance"? They barely made the fucking tournament! 

Oh well, I'm still a fan and an alumnus.  May this not be the Seniors last game!

GO BULLS!





and Go Pacifico! (Review coming soon, lol)




Have a great weekend!

Thanks DICK Durbin - Master of Unintended Consequences

I received a letter in the mail today from Chase notifying me that my debit card rewards program (that I actually paid money for out of my own pocket) will no longer take place thanks to the "Durbin Amendment" in the "Dodd-Frank" financial reform bill.  In case you are wondering what that piece of shit Amendment "Senator Dick from Illinois" wrote into the "Dodd-Frank" bill, here lets take it straight from the horses(ass's) mouth.

"[WASHINGTON, D.C.] – Assistant Senate Majority Leader Dick Durbin (D-IL) issued the following statement after the Senate approved his amendment to help reduce the swipe fees that small businesses pay on every credit and debit card sale by a bipartisan vote of 64-33:

“Wall Street reform is really about two things:  holding the big banks accountable for how they operate and empowering consumers to make good financial choices. Passage of this amendment is a win for the public on both fronts.

Passage of this measure gives small businesses and their customers a real chance in the fight against the outrageously high “swipe fees” charged by Visa and MasterCard.  It will prevent the giant credit card companies from using anti-competitive practices, allow merchants to offer discounts to their customers and restore common sense and fairness to this broken system.
By requiring debit card fees to be reasonable, and by cleaning up Visa’s and MasterCard’s worst abuses, small businesses and their customers will be able to keep more of their own money. Making sure small businesses can grow and prosper is vital to putting our country back on solid economic footing.”

Swipe fees are supposedly charged by Visa and MasterCard in order to cover the cost of processing a credit or debit card transaction.   However, Visa and MasterCard continue to raise swipe fees even though processing costs have decreased.   High swipe fees are yet another way that banks and credit card companies hurt small businesses by charging fees that cut into already tight profit margins.

An estimated $48 billion in swipe fees were charged by credit and debit card networks in 2008 – this money came out of the bottom line of small businesses and merchants across America, and 80 percent of this money went to just ten large banks. "


What does all that pandering nonsense really mean to us the consumer?  Because, you know, he's totally against those ten big bad banks!  Although he certainly likes those big bad bank's money, raking in  650k in campaign contributions from the finance & Banking industry over just the last 5 years...

Dick's 5 favorite industries (no surprise really) from https://opensecrets.org/politicians/summary.php?cid=N00004981

Top 5 Industries, 2005-2010, Campaign Cmte

Industry	Total	Indivs	PACs
Lawyers/Law Firms	$2,136,456	$1,981,735	$154,721
Securities & Investment	$654,562	$561,062	$93,500
Real Estate	$432,146	$394,146	$38,000
Pro-Israel	$375,212	$329,962	$45,250
Lobbyists	$371,337	$349,430	$21,907

So yeah... basically it means Credit Card companies and Big banks are going to continue to figure ways around this law to remain profitable and continue to be "mean" to small businesses.  I mean seriously what is the big fucking deal, Visa and Mastercard are creating an enormous convenience for these small businesses,  (have you ever tried to do accounting for a mostly cash business?)  and the only thing this is going to do is encourage the use of credit cards even more, and encourage cash (or tax free) transactions from the general public.

What was so wrong with debit cards that these small businesses were going out of business?  If the fees were so severe to these small businesses, then they didn't have to use them, they could choose to do cash or only accept certain credit cards and let the free market work this out... but in the name of fairness and the fact that most government agencies have to take debit cards in addition to credit cards, in the name of fairness, this pointless and consumer killing legislation was born.

Thanks Dick, "Master of Unintended Consequences"!  Did you really think banks would play nice with our money?  I have a bridge for sale...

So the story ends with me expressing my juvenile frustration directly at the Dick.  I wrote this letter directly to him today.  (Yes this is a real letter I sent.)

Dear Assclown,

Your fucking stupid ass bill made it so I can't receive points from using my debit card anymore.  Now I have to prevent my inner American consumerist urges from spending money via our credit cards rather than having a simple life and paying for everything with cash.
 
This is because If I want points I have to use my credit card.  I had a nice system set up where I would actually BENEFIT from using my debit card and no thanks to your stupid ass societal engineering I'm basically incapable of screwing the banks out of a hundred or so bucks a year.

Thanks a lot "master of unintended consequences".

Please do us all a favor and stop all this useless legislation.  If the senate actually did NOTHING for 5 years I can't possibly imagine the economic progress we would make.

I'll be doing the world a favor and certainly NOT voting for you this next election.  Assclown!

You can also voice your displeasure directly with him by clicking here.


Have a nice St. Pattys day!

Beer Review

Ok so in the context of keeping it random.  Time to do a Beer Review.   Beeradvocate.com style.

Now before you laugh at my snobbyness I did not invent this system nor do I really care what some d-bag on the internet thinks is good beer.  I plan to do this as an ongoing series (since adult life sucks and beer makes it better) with a rating scale from 1-10 where 1 is undrinkable piss such as Bud Light & Clamato.  Do you have any idea what clamato is?  Trust me, if you don't already know, you really don't want to find out because it might cause you to hurl.



= 1



and a 9.5-10 would be along the likes of say....  An Aventinus Dopplebock, which along with Bell's Third Coast Old Ale are two of my favorite beers of all time.



So, now that you have my numerical system in place lets start the review.  Beer Advocate style...

Anheiser-Busch, Budweiser

Brewed by Anheiser-Busch (Inbev)
St. Louis, MO (I think)


Appearance: a light piss color with a relatively good head on top after a pour, lots of bubbles, kind of like cheap champagne.  Poured into a skinny glass to appear larger than the actual serving size of 12oz.

Smell: definitely get the aroma of both union labor tears and immigrant labor sweat, and of course a sweet reminder of what Wrigley Field smells like in the middle of summer time.

Taste: At first it doesn't seem like the typical bargain beer that I was expecting, but after a couple more sips, I definentally think this case I bought was on sale because its old and skunky.  A few seconds after I shotgun one of these bad boys, that rush of years being stripped off your liver comes. You get progression from light, and subtly sweet to a smash of bitter aftertaste that reminds me of Rosie O'Donnel's frowny face.

Drink-ability: With an 5% ABV it doesn't pack a huge alcohol punch but you get a lot for your money, and is relatively drinkable.  If by drinkable you mean, something that you can barely swallow enough of to get thoroughly buzzed.

Overall:  For a beer that is one of the most popular beers in the USA this "American Lager" is an embarrasment. Americans really have the worst taste in food and drink.  I mean seriously, it is sort of drinkable, and at $13 for a 24 pack I'm not complaining too much.  I'm not one who really prefers an extremely crappy beer, but it does make watching my pathetic college team or pro sports team much more interesting.  So it has that going for it.  And for this particular swill, I would recommend that you keep it in the can, as it makes the beer much more difficult to taste! (good thing)

Serving type: Can.  I should have paid the extra buck for bottles!

Score: 5/10 thumbs up -  It gets an extra point for being so cheap, and the fact that It is drinkable enough to get buzzed is another +1.

You know what? Fuck Writing Today

People are pissing me off today, so to cheer me up here's my top 5 favorite (In no particular order) rockin' Foo Fighters songs.

Generator







No Way Back







Monkey Wrench

Times Like These

All My Life




No fucking weak ass Justin Beiber shit on this blog!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Ah fuck it, lets make it 5 songs plus an Encore

I'll Stick Around




My Poor Brain

New Way Home (The SHIT)

I Don't Really Give a Shit About What Charlie Sheen Has to Say

Honestly.  He isn't saying anything new, and he really just sounds like some teenage kid with a World of Warcraft account.  Melt your face?  Tools and trolls?  You're "winning"?  Yeah whatever dude, the year 2005 called and they want their e-lingo back.

If I want to witness wit, creativity and humor, I'll watch this guy every weekday night.

All this attention whoring dipshit (Sheen) is doing is saying the most off the wall, sarcastic crap wherever he goes.  Wooooow amazing!  I don't think he's taking these "interviews" seriously,  which I would be doing too and just making up random funny stuff.  I mean what is he doing on 20/20 anyway?  Have they completely lost their way?  I think Sheen is just doing this off the wall stuff to try to get people interested in the stupid shit he has to say so that these ignorant sheep will buy tickets to his "Violent Torpedo of Truth" show, coming to Chicago and Detroit April 2nd-3rd, the price to see Charlie Sheen say dumb crap in person?  Tickets start at $70 a piece. 

I'm not interested in celebrity gossip crap anyway, but when everyone starts talking about it when we have far more important issues such as the unrest in the middle east, our pathetic budget cuts (which coincidentally we started hearing about Charlie Sheen while this was just beginning), the disaster in Japan, Union busting in Wisconsin, "Mayor" Emanuel, and well the list is practically endless of more important shit than what some coked out man whore has to say.  Then again, the news just can't help turn themselves away from a train wreck, no mater how egregiously self propagating it may be.